Re: Theos-World Fw: Quote...
Oct 29, 2006 06:57 AM
by Bill Meredith
Thanks, Gary. I googled Haim Ginott and for the benefit of others who
might be interested in more from this remarkable man, here is a good
As you know, Ginott's books are aimed at parent-child and
teacher-student relationships. As I consider us a family of students of
theosophy on theos-talk, I find this additional guidance from Ginott
meaningful and applicable to the way we treat each other here.
<<"Rebellion follows rejection."
Differentiate between acceptance and approval.
Ginott offers these suggestions:
* Don't invite dependence
* Don't hurry to correct facts.
* Don't violate his privacy.
* Avoid clichés and preaching.
* Don't talk in chapters.
* Don't label him.
* Don't use reverse psychology.
* Don't send contradictory messages.
* Don't futurize.
"Concerned adults serve best when with confidence they stand and wait."
Futurizing breeds stress and fear.
Insult cuts deeper and lasts longer when it comes from the parent. p 36
*Truth for its own sake can be a deadly weapon in family relations.
Truth without compassion can destroy love. Some parents try too hard to
prove exactly how, where and why they have been right. This approach
cannot but bring bitterness and disappointment. When attitudes are
hostile, facts are unconvincing. p. 38*
He quotes a child:
My father is sensitive to temperature but not temperament. He is
totally unaware of emotions and moods. He does not read between the
lines, and cannot sense words unsaid. He can talk at length without ever
becoming aware that he has lost his audience. He does not see signs of
obvious boredom. He never notices that he has lost an argument. He
merely thinks he has failed to make his position clear. He talks but
does not communicate. He teaches and pontificates, and runs any
conversation into the ground. p 42>>
Gary Barnhart wrote:
"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive
element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is
my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to
make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an
instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In
all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is
escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat
people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable
-- Haim Ginott
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Back to Top]
Dedicated to the Theosophical Philosophy and its Practical Application