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Re: Theos-World Jokes and Jokes

Mar 02, 2006 08:38 AM
by Bart Lidofsky

Steven Levey wrote:
Bart-That was great, and almost too true to be funny, but I loved it.
You know Thomas Edison was a Theosophist, who not only invented the
most useful light bulb, but in so doing-the problem of changing it.
Wouldn't you know that a Theosophist would not only assist in
shedding light but also darkness. Well, "Light and darkness are the
world's eternal ways".
Well, as long as you mention it, there IS a sequel...

The Light Blocking the Path
by Bart Lidofsky

A decade or so from now, a worker who accidentally will wander into a time travel experiment will go back into the past, to the days of the Roman Republic. Once he learns Latin, he will try to explain the technology of the 21st Century, but being the product of typical American schools, will not be able to physically reproduce more than a few simple items. But he will impress the populace sufficiently that his words will be written down, and eventually become official doctrine. Let’s go forward a bit, when Thomas Edison (or any reasonable equivalent) invents the practical electric light bulb. The Bureau of Technology sends a representative to examine whether or not this invention is valid.

Edison: Look! It lights up the room, and can go for days and days without burning out!

Representative: I’m afraid, sir, that while that’s an interesting diversion, it cannot be accepted as an electric lightbulb.

E: Why not?

R: Well, first of all, note that in the Book Of The Future, it states that the electric light will be a form of continuous fire in a globe. Now, as you well know, we have discovered, as the Book Of The Future predicted, that fire is a result of a rapid combination of materials with oxygen.

E: So, what’s your point?

R: My POINT, you pseudoscientist, is that your so-called “lightbulb” has a globe with a VACUUM inside!!!! There CANNOT be a fire in a VACUUM. So that CANNOT be an electric lightbulb!

E: But, note that we have discovered the reason that fire gives off light is by heating up the molecules of the material so rapidly, that they give off their excess energy in the form of light. My lightbulb is doing that.

R: It does not matter. The Book Of The Future SAYS “fire”, and therefore it must BE “fire”. Besides, even if there WAS a fire in the globe, there are more problems!

E: MORE problems?

R: Of course there are more problems. I see that you are using metal strings to bring the electricity to the lightbulb.

E: You mean the wires. And that’s a problem?

R: Very much so, I’m afraid. After all, the Book Of The Future said that wires would be used to bring the electricity to the lightbulb. And those are NOT wires.

E: NOT wires? Why not?

R: You should read the Official Books more often. For does it not say, in Electricity IV:3-4, “And, like, thou knowest, electricity doth flow through wires the way water doth flow through pipes. Yea, verily, that is it, it is like water through pipes.”

E: And the problem with that?

R: Everybody KNOWS that pipes are HOLLOW inside. Those so-called “wires” you are using are SOLID. They cannot possibly be carrying the electricity.

E: But sir! They ARE like pipes. The INSULATION is the outside of the pipe, while the metal is like the air!

R: Ah, you fall victim to the Franklin Fallacy. For, whatever is being carried through what you are calling “wires” will flow through WITHOUT insulation. You take the outside out of the pipes, and the water will flow all over the place! Those are NOT wires!

E: But…but…but…

R: I’m sorry. Invention denied. Better luck next time, and do try to read up on the Book Of The Future.

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